2018 - Taking the Bull by the Horns

 Every year I write a post discussing my selected “theme” for the coming New Year.  Every year I go back and read the previous years’ “theme” posts and reflect on them.  In looking back today, I realized I never did post a theme for 2017.  I think I wrote one but it was on my laptop that died and in the process of getting my new computer, the post was never retrieved and posted.  Somehow that’s fitting because 2017 was what can best be described as a “shit-show” of a year for me and mine.  No matter what theme I might have had in mind, it would have been blown to hell by a myriad of set-backs, hard times, illnesses, losses, and more.  I’ve spent the better part of 2017 as a care-giver in one capacity or another to my parents and my husband and all their health issues and crises, to a few friends, as well as being a mom to Punky.  We have dealt with a ton of health issues, a disability, a job loss, huge financial burdens, a stalker, and impending death this year and there’s no real end in sight right now.  To be honest I was seriously thinking about not doing a theme for the coming year either as very little of the aforementioned “shit-show” has resolved itself and the world at large seems like a very gloomy, destined-to-implode place right now.  Then a friend quoted Captain Picard to me: “It is possible to do everything right and still lose”.  I sunk down into that quote for a couple of days, bemoaning in the truth of it actually.  And then I came upon this quote by Robert Brault:

"Everything we possess that is not necessary for life or happiness becomes a burden, and scarcely a day passes that we do not add to it." 

2016...The Year of NOW

As some may remember, I don't do resolutions.  They are wasted on me as I'm more of a 'big picture' person.  At the end of 2011 I realized that my life was too hectic and busy.  I was allowing myself to be pulled into too many directions.  I decided that I need to change that for the coming year and so I picked a theme for the year.  One word that I could focus on that would help guide me, focus me, on how I lived and to fulfill my goals for that year.  Simplify was the word then.  In the years since I've continued to select a one word theme for each new year as I've found it really helps me.  It's a way of letting go of what didn't work in the previous year but not getting bogged down with a lot of 'have tos and shoulds'.  Through the years I've embraced "Authentic", "Peace", and "Transformation" as well as the original "Simplify".

I must admit that surprising results are netted from doing this.  Sometimes, throughout any given year, I'm reminded of something my mother always said, "Careful what you ask for." 

What the Hell Is Wrong With People?

There is something seriously wrong with people when they get angry - filled with RAGE - when someone else believes differently, acts differently, celebrates differently, lives differently than they do.  Seriously.  If someone else's actions have no real impact on you - they aren't stopping you from life, liberty, or your pursuit of happiness - and you feel anger toward them you need to seek professional help.  No human being should be so angry at the world that differences cause them to react in anger.  It is NOT normal for you to feel enraged because someone isn't a Christian.  It is not normal to feel enraged because someone is gay.  It is NOT normal for you to feel enraged because someone doesn't celebrate Christmas, either at all or what you deem as the 'right way' (your way).  It's NOT normal for you to be so filled with hate and anger that you won't even speak to a person who has a different color of skin,  wears an item of clothing you wouldn't, or is holding hands with a person of the same sex, etc.  When anger and hate fill your heart so that anyone, anywhere, anytime that is DIFFERENT than you makes your blood boil, you see red, or you envision committing a violent act against them......YOU have the PROBLEM:  an emotional, mental, spiritual crisis that should have YOU seeking guidance, counseling .....maybe even medication.  THAT is the conversation we should be having in this country. 

WHY are so many Americans SO angry and filled with SO much hate? 

Respecting Rights vs. Tolerating Beliefs

That family with a lot of kids who are homeschooled and very fundamental Christian in their religious ideology has been in the news a bit lately.  There was the snafu of the '1st kiss' pictures on their facebook page where folks from the LGBT community posted their own kiss pictures with their partners and then there was the robocall the matriarch of this clan put out that likened transgender human beings to pedophiles.  As expected, facebook, twitter, etc BLEW UP with posts, comments, and memes either in support of the clan's statements and beliefs or opposing them.  I, myself, crawled out from under the evolutionary rock from which I sprang to post a comment or two, share a meme, and give rise to my ire at the offensive implication that was made toward the LGBT community.

It was through these exchanges that I was banned from one facebook page with all my comments deleted.  So many others also commented that the owner of the page felt the need to delete all such remarks, ban all who opposed the discriminatory ideology, and make this post:

..."I am finding that people are coming here attacking Christians and saying that we need to be "tolerant" of their beliefs, but not vice versa. I find it repugnant that my beliefs, faith and morals are NOT tolerated. I find it repugnant that freedom of religion continues to be trampled upon in this nation, something that was so very important to our founding fathers. I find it repugnant that the Constitution has become irrelevant and disrespected. It is beyond words that people have redefined freedom of speech to fit their own narrow definition. It applies to EVERYONE, no matter what. That is what my husband has fought for in 2 wars, and hundreds of thousands before him. I will not stand silent while his sacrifice is demeaned and my faith attacked. I will have to tolerate the beliefs of those I disagree with and demand that the same be done in return. That is civility. And so many here on FB have proven that they lack their quality."

Hey, it's her facebook page - she can do as she wants.  I have, upon rare occasion, banned a few folks from the IH facebook page.  The ones I ban are the ones that post such obscene and offensive hate speech or  just religiously repugnant ideology, that I literally can't stomach having their comments on my facebook page.  So, I support her right to delete commentary and ban people.  It's her page.  But it did get me to thinking about rights and tolerance...

Life & Experience Based Learning

 It's been a coon's age (living in the south has its effects) since I blogged.  Truthfully I'm not sure how long a coon's age is, I'll have to google that, but I know it's been months.   The time since we started 7th grade when I posted our new school year beginning and now A LOT has happened in our lives.  A LOT.  First, I was eating, sleeping, breathing, and quite honestly, shitting all things conference related.  THAT was it.  Well, that and still trying to homeschool and keep the IH facebook page and support group going.  I can't say for certain, and I don't want to check, in case I'm right, but I *think* my husband mumbled something about divorcing me if my schedule stayed the way it was for much longer.  I always said that on September 10th I would be doing NOTHING, as a well-deserved rest from all things N.A.S.H. and the conference.  What I didn't know was that 'rest' I needed required more than one day and did in fact last for longer than a week and then before I knew it, it was birthdays, Halloween, and the most major flare-up of my fibromyalgia I have ever experienced.

In the midst of all that, my father fell off a ladder - he's 83 - and had a concussion.  Then, my husband had eye surgery and then knee surgery.  Then my father fell again and shattered his femur and he's still a patient at the rehab center.  My best friend's (of 29 years) mother had a major stroke at the same time and is still in rehab and is not doing as well as we hoped.  Meanwhile my flare-up continued and continued.......most days we homeschooled from my bed and we only covered the 'necessary'.

So, that catches you up on what has been going on in our lives for the last three months and what kept me from blogging.  I'm feeling somewhat better and I actually have something to talk about that *may* be of interest, so here I am again.  With all that life continues to throw at us, often times Punky finishes her daily assignments - grammar lesson, vocabulary lesson, and math lesson - and is left asking what she should do next.  In an effort to give her the direction and suggestions she needs, yet still allow her choices in how she spends her time, I had been pondering a new method for our homeschooling experience.  As it was, so much of our days were filled with *real* life, real experiences, that it felt like any learning she was doing was coming from those real life experiences. 

3 Tips for a Hot, Inappropriate Homeschooling Marriage

Let's be honest.  

Our kids are with us ALL the tme.  

That's an upside, in my opinion, to homeschooling.  

Alas, it can cause a 'downside'.  

How do you have a hot marriage if the kids are always in the picture?

Never fear, the answers are here!

What I Would Have Told Myself 13 Years Ago

If I could go back thirteen years, to when I was pregnant with Punky, I would tell myself these things.

1. The less you strive to get her to submit to you, the more influence you will have in her life.

2. The less you talk, the more she will listen.

The Inappropriate Homeschooler's Top 10 Reasons to Love Christmas

The question was floated around the Inappropriate Homeschoolers group last week about why non-religious folks, such as myself, "bother" to celebrate Christmas.  At first I found the question a bit ignorant - given the fact that long before Christmas became associated with the birth of Yeshua, the Christian Savior, the holiday was strictly of Pagan origin.  There is plenty to love about this time of year that has nothing to do with religion.  Everything I love about this time of year is totally secular, with one exception. 

The Inappropriate Homeschooler's

 Top 10 reasons for loving Christmas!

# 10

Funny Christmas memes.  Seriously.  Who needs Christmas cards with all the memes, from the beautiful to the hilarious, that are on the internet!  

# 9

Delicious, fattening treats that aren't available any other time of year, both the home-made (Hello, Rum Balls!) and the store-bought (Chocolate Covered Cherries)!       

# 8

Christmas lights!  Driving around, all over, looking at the beautiful lights is a favorite tradition for our family!

 

#7

 Christmas Movies!  From the hilarious, 'Christmas Vacation', and 'Elf' to the heart warming, 'It's a Wonderful Life' and culminating on Christmas Eve with 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas' and 'The Polar Express'.

 

#6

Christmas Trees and Ornaments!  I love decorating the tree and I love searching each year for that year's special family ornament! 

#5

The Music!  Here's where I enjoy the religious as much as the secular.  If it's Christmas music, I love it!  I do not care if it's secular or sacred, I love it all! 

#4    

The Christmas Day Meals!  It's the only time of year where certain dishes are made and enjoyed for both breakfast and dinner.  I look forward to both all year!  

#3

Presents!  I love to think of just what to get my family and then there are the 'surprise' finds.  After the wrapping is complete, seeing all those beautiful packages under the tree, even if there are only two or three, makes me smile! 

#2

 Christmas Morning!  The excitement of Punky's excitement is my greatest joy at Christmas!

#1    

As one of my favorite Christmas carols goes, "“In the air, there's a feeling of Christmas.” The feeling of Christmas!  It's an intangible, of course, but I feel it still, every year and it is powerful stuff. 

One does not need to be celebrating for religious reasons to experience the magic and wonder of the Christmas season!

 
 
Merry Christmas!
~Mari B.

The Humanist Ten Commandments for the Modern Age

1) You should strive to promote the greater good of humanity before all selfish desires.

2) You should be curious, for asking questions is the only way to find answers.

3) Harm to your fellow human is harm to humanity. Therefore, you should not kill, rape, rob, or otherwise victimize anyone.

4) You should treat all humans as equals, regardless of race, gender, age, creed, identity, orientation, physical ability, or status.

5) You should use reason as your guide. Science, knowledge, observation, and rational analysis are the best ways to determine any course of action.

6) You should not force your beliefs onto others, nor insist that yours be the only and correct way to live happily.

7) If you govern, you should govern with reason, not with superstition. Religion should have no place in any government which represents all people and beliefs.

8) You should act for the betterment of your fellow humans, and be, whenever possible, altruistic in your deeds.

9) You should be good to the Earth and its bounties, for without it, humankind is lost.

10) You should impart your knowledge and wisdom gained in your lifetime to the next generation, so that with each passing century, humanity will grow wiser and more humane.

 

 

~Mari B.

Lessons Learned From a 5K Run

As some of you know, I began training in June with the goal of getting into better shape and losing some weight.  A month later I incorporated weight training as well.  I don't know how in the world I finally got the gumption to do this, and then stick with it, but I did - with help from my friend who was my training buddy  My goal was to run 3 miles in under 45 minutes and lose 25 pounds.  For three and 1/2 months I trained.....diligently.  I reached the point where I was clearly seeing muscle definition and feeling increased strength from the weight training and I was able to run 3 miles in just over 45 minutes.  I did not, however, lose a freaking pound.  It nagged at me mentally and emotionally and I had to fight to keep that from discouraging me and I will admit it became harder and harder to find the will to keep going.....but I did.  Then 'life' started happening.

Seven weeks ago Punky began rehearsals for her first major role as Scout in To Kill a Mockingbird.  Counting driving time, our entire evenings, from 6:30 until 11pm or later were taken up with preparing to perform and then performing.  I was no longer able to make it to weigh training class - which is only offered in the evenings and I was exhausted in the mornings and getting up to run was more of a struggle than ever.  I did keep training, working toward running 3 miles in 45 minutes or less, because my training buddy and I had decided to register to run our first 5K marathon - Run of Dye.  I was determined to run and not die.

About four and a half weeks before Marathon day, I did something to my left hip while running.  Whatever it was that I did it hurt like a son of a bitch.  I was already battling some pain from my left knee (I tore the hell out of it in a bicycle collision when I was 15) and swelling and pain in my left ankle, which I had severely sprained Spring of 2012 in a bad fall.  Did I mention that I have fibromyalgia?  Training became more and more of a struggle and I really missed my weight training - which really had helped with the 5K training.  I went from running 3 days a week to 2 days a week and then only here and there.  The day after a run my hip hurt so bad I could barely walk.  Finally one morning while running I 'blew my hip out'.  I say that because that is exactly what it felt like.  That was my "hit the wall' moment because I was never able to run again.  It took several days before I could even power walk and the last time I power walked the pain in my hip didn't disappear until a day before the marathon.    I didn't run again.  At all.  I couldn't.  To tell the truth I wanted to skip the 5K marathon all together.  I was still walking with some pain and a slight limp.

Yesterday was the marathon and I didn't skip it.  I did it.  Not only did I do it, but I actually met my goal.  I finished in 44:57.  That's a 14.37 minutes mile.  That's my best time ever.  While I'm not surprised I finished, I'm a little surprised I finished in my goal time.  Why,  I wondered, was I able to do that?  I hadn't run, or even walked, for weeks.  My hip had only JUST stopped aching every day and I have been so busy with Punky's schedule, having company, and preparing for hubby to get home for his two week R&R that I *never* thought it was even possible to finish within in my goal time.  On top of all that, when we arrived at the marathon we discovered that the terrain we were running on was more like a cross country experience than what I was used to doing - running on pavement/sidewalks.  The area had been mowed down but it was the most uneven terrain - roots sticking up everywhere, slopes and holes, etc.  I had to keep my eyes on the ground to avoid tripping or worse crashing to the ground like the giant in 'Jack and the Beanstalk'.  True story.

So, today I'm still wondering:  How did I do it?  How was it possible?  After some thought I have a few answers and I realize that they don't just apply to my 5K run. 

1)  Set a goal and work to achieve it.  You might fail, you might have to stop and start again, or you might just might succeed.  It's worth the effort to set the goal and work to fulfill it.  Success or failure notwithstanding.  The journey really is the most important part.

2)  Don't do it alone.  Find a buddy who understands you, wants you to succeed, knows when to push and how to push you and when to back off.  Most importantly find a buddy that will truly celebrate your success and support you when you don't.

3)  Realize that what you do today has a ripple effect in your life.  If you work hard for days at a time, weeks at a time, even months at a time and then become derailed remember that all that hard work you did isn't for nothing.  It *does* pay off in the end and maybe in ways you didn't expect.  It becomes a part of who you are and helps you along your path - one way or another.

4)  How you meet your goal may not end up being how you planned to meet your goal.  Putting in your best effort and working toward your goal matters more than following a detailed list of HOW to meet your goal.  Flexibility is necessary because life is always in a state of flux.

5)  There is nothing more rewarding that proving to **yourself** that you can do what you set your mind to do.  Nothing.  All the 'way to go', 'good job', comments from friends and family don't mean as much as being able to carry around that bit of pride and accomplishment in your mind from actually going for it!

So not only did my 5K training journey emphasize these life lessons for me, they are the reasons I succeeded.  I set a goal and worked, as best I could, to achieve it.  I didn't go it alone.  The time I was able to work hard and train paid off for the times I couldn't and still counted.  The last quarter mile of the race, when I wasn't going to finish in time, I wanted to prove to myself I could do it and I ignored the pain in my hip, knee, ankle and chest and pushed it as hard as I could and that last quarter of a mile felt like it would be the death of me in some ways, but I wanted to prove to myself I could do it and the pay off was huge.

Of course, I'm not the inappropriate homeschooler for nothing.  There were a few inappropriate lessons I learned doing the 5K:

-  I am capable of being so LOUD that the emcee of the event could hear me yell, "You suck" over the roar of a VERY large crowd and rock music coming from the speakers.  (In my defense he was throwing out free prizes and was totally ignoring the folks in the back, where my friends and I were.)

- When being chastised by the emcee for yelling out he sucked, I resort to language that wasn't appropriate.  It wasn't language that turned the air really blue - more like robin egg blue.

- I'm brazen enough that when city didn't provide any cops to help direct the crazy traffic into and out of the parking area I am willing to take my hat off and use it to direct cars.

So, that's my 5K training journey.

The most shocking thing of all for me though is the fact that I fully intend to get up in the morning and run.  I'm doing it for me, just for me. 

~Mari B.

P.S. - Can you believe the chick in the flexible picture??

***10/28/13***
P.S.S. - I didn't think it was necessary, but apparently it is.  I KNOW that a 5K is not a marathon.  I know that the proper terminology is 5K, 10K, half marathon and marathon.  I know what the distances are for each as well.  I was being IRONIC.  ;-)  The 5K was my marathon.....you know for me, it felt like a marathon.....see it's not as funny when you have to explain the joke.  ;-)

How Scout Finch Changed Our Lives

The Evolution of Punky

Punky has spent the last 7 weeks in a small town in Alabama called Maycomb County.  She has a father named Atticus and a brother Jem.  She's a tomboy with a keen mind and a bravado that only a 10 year old can have.  She's dealt with folks calling her all sorts of names and screaming at her about how her daddy defends niggers.  She's been attacked and watched her brother's arm get broken by the most bigoted, lying scum in all of Maycomb.  She's dealt with the death of one innocent black man and witnessed the death of another.  She's learned valuable life lessons about courage, empathy, and honesty as well as having the innocence torn away from her childhood by witnessing the horrors man commits against his fellow men.

Punky has brought the role of Scout, in 'To Kill a Mockingbird', to life in a way that has astonished me.  More importantly, the leap she's taken in her own growth and maturity matches her ability to breath life into Scout.  Punky's dedication to her craft and her commitment to the part, her cast mates, and the director rival - in my opinion - an adult who is a veteran of theatre.  Somewhere along this 7 week journey Punky became a young woman.  She's only 12 but she has demonstrated the maturity, responsibility, and ability of a much older girl.  Her composure and demeanor are remarkable for one so young.  She's dealt with a few personal issues along the way and there has been a marked difference in how she would have handled those issues 7 weeks ago to how she did handle them.

It may all just be a coincidence, but I personally believe it is not.  I believe that by allowing Punky to reach for her dream - auditioning for the role of Scout, pursue her true passion - acting, and giving her total ownership of the entire experience she grew up these last 7 weeks more than she would have, and in ways she might not have, if she had not had this experience.  The educational value of this experience is equal to a semester in a college theatre program.  The personal value of this experience is equal to nothing I can think of to make a comparison.  Her hard work and determination have paid off BIG for her.  

The confidence she's gained by working hard to deliver a deeply moving performance and  knowing for certain where her joy lies gives her a focus and understanding for her life that so few of us ever know, let alone learn at so young an age.  That is all so much more than any classroom could give her.

Punky has received numerous compliments and extensive praise from family, friends, and even strangers for her performance.  That is what they all see....

her talent, her abilities, her dedication, her commitment, her acting.  It's all wonderful!  It's what I see though that means so much more than all that.  I see the woman she is becoming and that woman, in my opinion, is Oscar worthy.  How does any of this relate to homeschooling you may wonder?  We owe a debt to homeschooling.  If it were not for homeschooling there would have been no Scout audition and without that all that has been realized and achieved in these last 7 weeks would not have been possible.

We made the choice to homeschool and Punky made the choice to go for her dream.  Life is all about choices, good or bad, right or wrong, our destinies will unfold according to our choices.

~Mari B.