What I Would Have Told Myself 13 Years Ago

If I could go back thirteen years, to when I was pregnant with Punky, I would tell myself these things.

1. The less you strive to get her to submit to you, the more influence you will have in her life.

2. The less you talk, the more she will listen.

How Scout Finch Changed Our Lives

The Evolution of Punky

Punky has spent the last 7 weeks in a small town in Alabama called Maycomb County.  She has a father named Atticus and a brother Jem.  She's a tomboy with a keen mind and a bravado that only a 10 year old can have.  She's dealt with folks calling her all sorts of names and screaming at her about how her daddy defends niggers.  She's been attacked and watched her brother's arm get broken by the most bigoted, lying scum in all of Maycomb.  She's dealt with the death of one innocent black man and witnessed the death of another.  She's learned valuable life lessons about courage, empathy, and honesty as well as having the innocence torn away from her childhood by witnessing the horrors man commits against his fellow men.

Punky has brought the role of Scout, in 'To Kill a Mockingbird', to life in a way that has astonished me.  More importantly, the leap she's taken in her own growth and maturity matches her ability to breath life into Scout.  Punky's dedication to her craft and her commitment to the part, her cast mates, and the director rival - in my opinion - an adult who is a veteran of theatre.  Somewhere along this 7 week journey Punky became a young woman.  She's only 12 but she has demonstrated the maturity, responsibility, and ability of a much older girl.  Her composure and demeanor are remarkable for one so young.  She's dealt with a few personal issues along the way and there has been a marked difference in how she would have handled those issues 7 weeks ago to how she did handle them.

It may all just be a coincidence, but I personally believe it is not.  I believe that by allowing Punky to reach for her dream - auditioning for the role of Scout, pursue her true passion - acting, and giving her total ownership of the entire experience she grew up these last 7 weeks more than she would have, and in ways she might not have, if she had not had this experience.  The educational value of this experience is equal to a semester in a college theatre program.  The personal value of this experience is equal to nothing I can think of to make a comparison.  Her hard work and determination have paid off BIG for her.  

The confidence she's gained by working hard to deliver a deeply moving performance and  knowing for certain where her joy lies gives her a focus and understanding for her life that so few of us ever know, let alone learn at so young an age.  That is all so much more than any classroom could give her.

Punky has received numerous compliments and extensive praise from family, friends, and even strangers for her performance.  That is what they all see....

her talent, her abilities, her dedication, her commitment, her acting.  It's all wonderful!  It's what I see though that means so much more than all that.  I see the woman she is becoming and that woman, in my opinion, is Oscar worthy.  How does any of this relate to homeschooling you may wonder?  We owe a debt to homeschooling.  If it were not for homeschooling there would have been no Scout audition and without that all that has been realized and achieved in these last 7 weeks would not have been possible.

We made the choice to homeschool and Punky made the choice to go for her dream.  Life is all about choices, good or bad, right or wrong, our destinies will unfold according to our choices.

~Mari B.

A Lesson Learned from Punky

My beautiful, smart, talented Punky is playing her first lead role, as Scout, in a theatre production of 'To Kill a Mockingbird.'  This is the biggest thing that has happened to her in her short 12 years on this planet.  I'm more excited for this than I ever was for my own performances in high school.  The rehearsal schedule is intense and will only get more so as we inch closer and closer to Opening Night.  The theatre, which is a well respected one that has turned out a few current stars of today, is a 40 minute drive for us.  Rehearsals are every night of the week beginning at 7:30 and ending anywhere from 9:30 to 11pm.  All in all, it makes for a long night for us leaving the house at 6:45 and not returning until 11:30pm.  

Of course we've adjusted our school schedule to accommodate for the rehearsals and soon, the run of the show.  Punky will give 9 performances as Scout.  For those 9 performances she has worked hard to learn all her lines (and there are a lot), know her cues, and develop facial expression and body language for each scene.  She's learning about active listening, being in the moment, and developing a character.  She's also having to learn how to do physical/stunt work as the scene toward the end has her being attacked and in running away from her attacker she trips and falls.  She has to trip and fall 9 times in total during the run of the show and countless other times during rehearsals.  She's already learned to not land on her hands, as she did the first try, and she has the sore wrist to remind her.  She's learned all this without me.  She's learned all this on her own through either the guidance and direction of her fellow cast mates and director or through her own intuition, inherent skill, and talent in acting.

During this time Punky is learning fractions in her math course - adding and subtracting them, multiplying and dividing them, reducing them, finding common denominators, improper fractions and mixed numbers, etc.  For Grammar she has finished her prepositions study and is now on verbs and every thing you can imagine one is to learn about them:  phrases, regular verbs, irregular verbs, direct objects, linking verbs, predicate nominatives and adjectives, etc.  Punky is allowed to choose her reading material each week and do a report.  She developed an interest in slavery, a topic she has previously avoided out of distaste.  It is the story of 'To Kill a Mockingbird' that has sparked her interest in race relations in our country going back to slavery and on through to Civil Right and today's climate.  Currently she is studying the Underground Railroad, Harriet Tubman, Frederick Douglas, and others.  Thanks to her being cast as Scout she's opened herself up to issues that she previously found too difficult to think about or deal with.  By being in the production she is learning, in a deep, personal way, the lessons of the story:  

Respect Others -

"Company gets treated politely no matter who they are" (Calpurnia)

Be Open Minded -

"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... until you climb into his skin and walk around in it." (Atticus)

Protect the Innocent - 

"The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."  (Atticus)

Everyone is Equal -

“I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.” (Scout)

Take a Stand and Do the Right Thing -

When I sit back and reflect on all that she is doing at this time, and how well she is accomplishing it all, I'm reminded once again of what a remarkable young woman she is.  Watching Punky during this process, paying attention to the personal, intellectual, and even physical growth that is occurring during this time I am reminded, once again, of a few important lessons.

Children will face any challenge they need to in order to accomplish a goal they desire to achieve.

Children will complete necessary tasks, in their own way, to accomplish a goal they desire to achieve.

Children will learn whatever is necessary to accomplish a goal they desire to achieve.

Children will excel at their goal when their goal is of their own making, fueled by their own interests and desires.

Punky amazes me by the amount of responsibility, dedication, and maturity she demonstrates every night at the theatre.  She needs no prodding from me at all to learn her lines, know her cues, remember her schedule, develop her character, and honor her commitment to the part of Scout.  It is in these moments that I see, very clearly, the woman she will become.  A woman with a strong work ethic, respect for others, a generous spirit, and a self motivated doer!  I feel blessed to witness this in her at such a young age.  I know she is blessed to have found her passion at such a young age.  Witnessing all this teaches me, yet again, that no matter how she may struggle with math or reading, she is fully capable of setting goals for herself, doing the work, and accomplishing what she sets out to accomplish.  That is a lesson I'm more than happy to learn.

~Mari B.

The Key to Successfully Homeschooling

Trusting Your Child's Development 

We are officially 9 weeks into our homeschooling year.  We would be 10 weeks in if sickness hadn’t struck at week 4, but that’s how life works and thankfully as a homeschooling family we can allow ourselves to bend and flow with life.  Our first week of homeschooling was little more than some review, moving forward in Math, as we did lessons all through the summer, and an introduction to our new structure of homeschooling.  The second week the ‘real’ schooling began.  

As you may recall, we explored the world of unschooling for several months.  I guess the easiest way to sum that experiment up is to say that *I* learned a lot and Punky hated it.  Sigh.  Another approach to schooling that failed for us.  But as I said, I learned a lot.  I learned about letting go and going with the flow.  That has already proven to be a very valuable lesson for our current school year.  Punky *asked* for structure, routine, curriculum, and as she put it, “schooling that will make me feel like I actually learned something.”  Tough order to fill is all I could think at first.  We had already tried so, so many curriculums and approaches that I didn’t know where to turn, what to do, or how to proceed.  Then, I had a thought….you know, the kind that come to you late at night just as you’re drifting off to dreamland.  What if I gave her everything she asked for, everything she said she wanted, and the only difference between how we’d do that now opposed to how we did it in the beginning would be me.   

My fears of schooling her myself are now just occasional doubts that are merely annoying compared to what they were 4 years ago…or even 4 months ago.  I knew better now.  No, wait…that’s not it.  I have faith now where once there was none.  I now believe that through growth alone, maturation, Punky will learn and understand all that she needs to become the most authentic Punky she is meant to be.  She’ll just learn it in her own time frame and way, just as her body grows and develops in its own time frame and way. 

Armed with this new faith, I set a course of study for 6^th grade.  I explained to Punky that Middle school is where she would need to start preparing for her High School studies.  So, I prepared a course of study for 6^th grade with emphasis on Reading, Writing (to include grammar, vocabulary, and spelling), and Math.  Science, Social Studies/History, and Art are tools used in the reading and writing portion of our curriculum.  Punky attends music/voice class and dance classes during the week.  She is also a member of the Homeschool Writing group at the local library, the Homeschool Harry Potter Club, the Homeschool History/Civics Club, and the Homeschool Book Club.  Between all those activities and her audition/show schedule for the year we will continue to stay plenty busy!

I constructed a schedule that I thought would offer flexibility as well as accountability while promoting independence.  Sounds great, right?!?   I’m happy to say that it has been great!  Punky has accomplished more in the last 9 weeks than she did in the last semester of last year.  That means that my process is the right one, this time, right?  It means that I finally found the materials, structure, and approach that is right for Punky, right?  Well……sorta.  We still hit the wall here and there.  The difference between before and now comes down to a few new ‘abilities’ I finally developed: 

• Chill out and go with the flow of life.
• Be my child's partner in homeschooling.
• Boredom with a topic could be a sign of non-readiness.  Dump it, for now.
• Not everything has to be studied in depth.  Surface knowledge is enough at times.
• Give my child her independence when she wants it, but hold her hand when she needs it.

Which leads me to my BIG revelation and the most awesome advantage of homeschooling!

Over the course of time something amazing happens.  If our children are treated with respect and given the chance to succeed and fail they mature and become capable to take on more, understand more, learn more, and become independent.  It happens.  It really does.  Just as they learned to walk without us teaching them, they mature.  How well they could walk while they were learning had nothing to do with us and everything to do with their DNA.  However, how they FELT about learning to walk had SO much to do with us.  Were we encouraging and supportive?  Did we back off when they clearly wanted to try on their own?  Did we offer assistance, a hand to hold, when they needed it?  Did we keep our cool, never being hard on them to do more or go faster?  Did we let them do it in their own time and their own way?  I know that hubby and I did.  Punky couldn’t wait to walk and she was on her own by 7 ½ months.  I didn’t want that; a 7 ½ month old toddler.  It was in her genes though and it was her destiny to walk early.  We were encouraging and supportive, backing off when she wanted us to, holding her hand when she needed it.  We didn’t push her or discourage her.  We let her do it in her own time and her own way.

I have noticed a change in Punky this year.  Some of that change is a result of the semi-icky side effects of being a ‘tween’.   Some of it though, is a result of her maturing into the next level of maturity.  She’s able to understand so much more, do so much more, think more clearly, process things that she couldn’t less than a year ago.  Academic struggles from last year have started to fade in some areas and disappear altogether in other areas.  Of course she has new struggles now; personal ones and academic ones.  The only difference between the old struggles and the new ones is my attitude.  Now I tell her with complete conviction, “It’s ok.  It’s going to be ok.  You’ll get through this.  You’ll learn this.  You’ll understand this.  You will succeed and look back on when you struggled and wonder why you thought it was so hard.”  I tell her this because I now know, that deep in my gut knowing, she will learn, she will master, she will succeed.  She’ll just do it in her time frame and her own way.

 

It’s almost like magic, children learning to walk and talk.  It happens despite what we do.  The only affect we have on the process is whether or not our child is provided opportunities, encouragement, support, and when they want it - independence to become who they are meant to be.  Homeschooling your child should be the same thing.  We offer support, ideas, a road map, and our help when it’s needed.  We stand in the background when they tell us “I do myself.”  They learn equally from when we participate and when we back off.  This, I think, is what it means to give them roots to grow and wings to fly.

 

Homeschooling your child means they can go at their own pace.  They aren’t institutionalized or standardized by teachers, tests, and tyrants.  The maturation process is safe for your child when you homeschool; safe from being rushed, abused, mocked, trivialized, or stymied by the system, its executors, or other children who are just as unsure of themselves as they can possibly be.   

Trust your child and the magical process of their maturation because as long as they have encouragement, positive reinforcement, guidance, and support they will bloom in all the areas they are meant to when and how they are meant to.  Take a deep breath and trust your child, trust that it will all be ok.  Trust that you are a good parent doing the very best you can for your children.  Trust that your child will succeed through your love, care, encouragement, and support.  Trust that your child will bloom in all the ways she is meant to and relish the fact that because you homeschool she can take whatever time is needed to become her most authentic self.

Happy Homeschooling!

~Mari B.