I've gone over it and over it in my mind - how can *I* write
this blog post and be coherent, calm, and rational. I've finally decided I can not. Oh, I am still writing, but I am not worried
about calm and rational. I am not even
concerning myself with terms like 'fair', 'non-judgmental', and 'tolerant. Screw it.
I have had more than my fair share of 'judgmental and unfair' thrown my
way lately and I'm just going to give in to an old-fashioned rant.
Who the hell do some people think they are? I read a blog post this week entitled: "An Open Letter to Lazy Homeschooling
Parents". I read it not because I
thought it would apply to me but because when I saw the title I thought surely
this would be a fun, satirical read; a blog post that I myself could have
written. Boy, Oh Boy was I wrong! This woman was serious and she was
condescending and insulting. I'm not linking
her blog, I won't promote it that much, but if you are so inclined google the
title and read it for yourself. Feel
free to comment on it even, as you are free to comment on my post here.
This woman feels there is a serious enough issue within the
homeschooling community that she had a heavy heart and felt called to speak
out. I could give her the benefit of the
doubt and say that her heart was in the right place, but I'm not in the
mood. I do not really care what her motivations
or intentions were. I am just going to
speak my peace. Get the hell out of other
homeschooling families business. Just
get the hell out. It does no good to
'call out lazy homeschooling parents' because if there are those that meet your
description, trust me, they aren't searching the internet for articles or blog
posts that are written about them. The
expression "stupid is as stupid does" comes to mind and so logically
it follows that 'lazy is as lazy does' and lazy homeschoolers aren't surfing
the internet for your wisdom on the matter.
One concern listed was our need, as homeschoolers, to
produce a superior
product than the public system produces. Yes, our children apparently are
products. I do believe that is how the
public education system sees them. I
will be damned if I will support the idea of the homeschooling community seeing
them the same way. If *you* see your
children as a product that is *your* business but get the hell out of my
homeschooling experience and home. Punky
is a human being and my goal is for her to grow up happy, healthy, and filled
with personal, meaningful purpose. That
is my goal so that she will be an adult who pursues a life that is happy,
healthy, and will with personal, meaningful purpose.
Another point was the concern that our homeschooling rights
could be taken from us or more heavily regulated if we don't produce a superior
product. Homeschooling is a right in all
50 States in the USA. That right is not going to be revoked because
the 'community' MIGHT produce a few children who, as that blogger suggested,
"enter the workforce without a proper education". Homeschooling does get blamed, at times, for
all sorts of things. Just recently it
was blamed for the death of a child in Ohio. Ohio
proposed much stricter homeschooling regulations and within mere days the
homeschooling community put that shit to rest.
Go Ohio
Homeschoolers! Woot! Woot! (As an aside it was not just the
religious homeschoolers who affected the change, but several secular
homeschoolers including some from the Inappropriate Homeschoolers homeschooling
group). Homeschooling is not the reason
children are abused or neglected, any form of abuse or neglect, anymore than
children are the reason they are abused.
Children are abused and neglected because the primary caretakers in
their lives are mentally screwed up.
Looking to homeschooling as the problem is absurd. If public schooling was the answer to child
abuse then there wouldn't be more than 3 million reports involving 6 million
children in the USA
each year, with approximately 4 deaths PER DAY.
Why do I say that? Simple
math. The majority of students who are
school age are public schooled. That
means that they enter the halls of a public institution five days a week for 36
weeks and yet.....child abuse is an ongoing and escalating problem.
Now let's turn to the recent statistics of college
graduate. A 2011 NY Times article
reported 22.4 percent of college graduates cannot find jobs and another 22
percent are working jobs that don't require a college degree. Oh, on top of that, the average graduate is
roughly $25,000 in debt upon graduating.
That means that almost half of all college graduates are not benefiting
by being a 'superior product'. After
all, college is *the* way to became a superior product, for the majority of
mindsets, right?. My point? Getting into college and graduating is no
longer a guarantee that one will have a successful, well-paying job. Now, more than ever, students need to find a
way to acquire the skills they need to pursue their career goals. Yes, that may mean going to medical school,
but it can also mean schooling in the real world by hacking their
education. So, producing 'superior
product', as was described by the blogger attacking lazy homeschoolers, is not
only insulting but an outdated definition of success.
It was pointed out that spending the day at the park, doing
arts and crafts, doing household chores, or spending time with friends is NOT
homeschooling, in fact she called it 'cheating'. I wonder at what age she has determined one
needs to turn away from parks, arts, and social activities in order to be
properly educated? Oh sure, she means
those that ONLY do that. So at what age
is it okay to do that ONLY and what age does it become wrong? My answer would be, that's your fucking
business not hers.
She says it is our business because there are high schools
who are requiring their drop outs to register as homeschoolers in order to make
'themselves look better'. I know that
state laws vary, but sixteen is the
eligible age in most states to drop out and I'd say that if one wishes to leave
high school and register as a homeschooler, so be it. I'm not overtly concerned with a statistic
that shows a child failing in public school for 16 years and then leaving to
homeschool. That doesn't make me want to
'tiger mom' my daughter's education any more than the uber-homeschoolers make
me want to do it. I know very strict,
traditional homeschoolers and I know a few who believe in religious education
first and foremost over anything else.
Neither works for my family. I do
not even agree with one of those options, but I am damned sure not going to say
that if we do not force those families who educated and involve themselves
differently than we do in our children's lives we have the right to call them
out for it. Beat your kid up, neglect
your kid, starve your kid, sexual assault your kid.....there are laws in effect
to handle that. Educate your child in
the manner you feels is best for your child, yeah, that is not going to raise
any warning bells, be they homeschooled or public schooled.
She called 'lazy homeschoolers' cheaters. She said they were not homeschoolers but
merely truant. Who decides what is lazy
homeschooling? When I was first thinking
of creating a blog I gave serious thought to calling it 1) The Lazy
Homeschooler or 2) The Unmotivated Homeschooler or 3) The Inappropriate
Homeschooler. We all know where I
landed. Inappropriate could include lazy
and unmotivated as well as covering my ass for my sarcastic, obnoxious
opinions, so I went with that. I think
this woman needs to butt the hell out of other folks homeschooling and I think
folks like her are more of a problem for the 'face of homeschooling' than any
'lazy homeschooler' could ever be.
Why? She's creating a problem
where one doesn't really exist. If there
are those who are spending their days eating bon-bons and watching Doctor Who
with their kids as their only activity what the hell do I care? If their children grow up to be 'less' than
successful - you know who she means - all those laborers who aren't college
graduates who merely pick up our trash, deliver our packages, fix our cars,
transport our goods and services, install our cable, build our homes, etc, then
so be it. I, for one, am glad there are
those in the world who are working to pick up our trash, deliver our packages,
fix our cars, clean up our public buildings, and so on.
Basically, I just want to tell this woman to shut the hell
up, mind her own freakin' business, and worry about her own children (the ones
she later admits she uses ipads and television as a distraction and babysitter
for her kids). Hey, I say that without
ANY judgment, but I bet there is someone out there that would tell her how
wrong that is to do to her kids. We are
all pots waiting to meet our kettles.
Seriously. Everyone just stop
telling everyone else how to do what they do.
As long as a person's choice isn't starting a war, ending a life, or
denying someone their liberties......back the fuck off. I blame insecurities for this shit. It was the same way in the mom's groups when
the children were littles. And so it is
in the homeschooling community, insecure women who are not nearly as confident
with their choices as they'd like to be having to get all high and mighty
telling others what choices to make and how to homeschool. That's part of the reason homeschoolers do
not feel as supported as they should be......other homeschoolers. It's not only the naysayers of homeschooling,
but those within the community themselves deciding that their choices must be
the only right choices and so everyone must follow their example, that create
discord.
Perhaps I am wrong, after all she has a Ph.D. and I merely a
Master's. So, clearly she is more
successful than I. I will say this in
closing, if I wanted to follow the mainstream example for child-rearing and
education today, my child would be in public school and she'd be wearing a tank
top with pants that say 'Sweet' across her ass.
Ok? So, back the hell out of my
business and everyone else's business.
Put down your blog pen, go turn off the television, and spend some damn
quality time with your kids. That's not
a judgment, merely a suggestion, because I do not really give a shit what you
do.
~Mari B.
As parents, we already feel the urge, the need, to control our children's
lives. We want to keep them safe. We want to keep them healthy. We want to make sure they have a *great*
childhood, a solid foundation, and that they grow up to have a wonderful
life! That urge, that need, can become
more than an urge or need though, especially in a homeschooling parent. We really feel 100% of the responsibility of
raising and educating our children because we are. There is no brightly lit building where we
send our children to for 7 hours a day to 'receive' their education. The decision to homeschool often includes sacrifice. The sacrifice may be a financial one, an
emotional one, or both. It is human nature that when we sacrifice we do so with
the hopes that there will be a great return on our investment. Nothing is more important to a parent than
their child/ren. Despite the fact that
we are with our children 24/7, give or take, because we homeschool, does not
mean that we can, or should, control everything. We sweat over every choice we make from the
method we are using to school them to the materials we are using to school
them. We worry over their academic and
social environment. We feel completely,
totally, utterly responsible for these human beings we are raising, guiding,
teaching. But as adults we have probably
already learned in our own lives, in our own daily walk, that the only thing
that we can truly control in life is our own attitude and reactions. We have
learned, or are in the process of learning that once we accept that, we can be
comfortable right where we are, at peace and happy. The same is true in homeschooling.
Basically, I just want to tell this woman to shut the hell
up, mind her own freakin' business, and worry about her own children (the ones
she later admits she uses ipads and television as a distraction and babysitter
for her kids). Hey, I say that without
ANY judgment, but I bet there is someone out there that would tell her how
wrong that is to do to her kids. We are
all pots waiting to meet our kettles.
Seriously. Everyone just stop
telling everyone else how to do what they do.
As long as a person's choice isn't starting a war, ending a life, or
denying someone their liberties......back the fuck off. I blame insecurities for this shit. It was the same way in the mom's groups when
the children were littles. And so it is
in the homeschooling community, insecure women who are not nearly as confident
with their choices as they'd like to be having to get all high and mighty
telling others what choices to make and how to homeschool. That's part of the reason homeschoolers do
not feel as supported as they should be......other homeschoolers. It's not only the naysayers of homeschooling,
but those within the community themselves deciding that their choices must be
the only right choices and so everyone must follow their example, that create
discord.
2) Don't do it alone. Find a buddy who understands you, wants you
to succeed, knows when to push and how to push you and when to back off. Most importantly find a buddy that will truly
celebrate your success and support you when you don't.
4) How you meet your goal may not end up being
how you planned to meet your goal.
Putting in your best effort and working toward your goal matters more
than following a detailed list of HOW to meet your goal. Flexibility is necessary because life is
always in a state of flux.
5) There is nothing more rewarding that
proving to **yourself** that you can do what you set your mind to do. Nothing.
All the 'way to go', 'good job', comments from friends and family don't
mean as much as being able to carry around that bit of pride and accomplishment
in your mind from actually going for it!
