In less than six weeks my husband, Punky’s father, will be
leaving us for one year to serve on a remote tour in the desert. We are a proud Air Force military family and
have been for 23 years. A remote tour
was always a possibility; he knew it and I knew it. How we managed to ‘dodge the bullet’ as long
as we did is unexplainable, really.
Nonetheless, we did and we are so close to the ‘finish line’ that I
don’t think either of us thought it was a possibility any longer; or at least we thought
is was only a remote possibility – see what I did there?
That remote possibility is now a literal remote and we are
preparing for living a year apart. I do
not want to whine about this. I don’t
even want to sound like I’m whining about it.
It’s part of the military life and we will suck it up and get
through. But you know what, that doesn’t
mean it doesn’t suck. I used to think about
the military wives who dealt with constant long-term, or frequent, deployments frequently
and feel deeply for them and their situation.
Now, I’m going to be one of them – sort of. This is the longest deployment we’ve ever
faced, it is coming at the end of his career time, and he’ll be in a
‘relatively’ safe location doing a ‘relatively’ safe job. Other wives can’t say that and that’s why I
*know* I’m not one of them in all the ways I could have been. Still, I’m going to be a single-parent for a
year and my guy, my life-mate, my rock, will be gone.
I haven’t talked about it all that much and I’ve hardly
mentioned it on public forums such as my facebook or this blog, mostly because
I was afraid of the emotions it might raise up in me and that I’d end up looking
like a wimp. He needs to know that we’ll
be fine. He needs to believe that I can
handle whatever comes my way while he’s gone.
I know that. Breaking down
doesn’t make one weak though; laying down and giving up does. I will not lie down and I certainly won’t
give up, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t break down now and again. And I will probably blog about it some through
the coming year, hence my writing this post:
giving the background of the situation, if you will.
Punky has a very close relationship with her father. She spends the majority of the day with me
and we are very close. But I’m the
guarantee. Daddy, who has deployed for 3
or 4 months at a time each year her whole life, isn’t. His absence, both during deployments and just
during the day while he works, is something she feels. She loves it when he takes leave and is with
us all the time. She loves the weekends
because Daddy is home. They have their
own things they do, their own relationship.
They bike ride, fish, shoot nerf guns, wrestle, play games, work in the
yard, and go on ‘Daddy-Daughter’ dates to dinner and a movie. He is the one she cuddles up with to watch a
movie or TV. My husband loves Punky more
than he likes to breathe – the way all girls deserve to have their fathers love
them. Better than that, he shows it. He spends time with her, answers her
questions, pursues her interests, and just genuinely enjoys her company. All that will be missing from her life for an
entire year.
It’s an important year too, I fear. She will be 11 ½ when he leaves and 12 ½ when
he returns. BIG changes occur during
that period of a young girl’s life. He
will leave behind his still little girl and return to a young woman in many
ways. That alone breaks my freakin’
heart. To know that the last real year
of her being a young girl he will miss has tears streaming down my face. I know my husband’s heart aches over having
to leave her to grow up for a year without his daily presence.
There’s nothing more we can do more than just get through it as
best we all can. I will be missing my
rock, Punky will be missing her best guy, and he will be missing the two people
who mean more to him than any other people on the planet.
May the Divine Creator keep us all safe, healthy, and sane
until we are reunited.
~Mari B.
Praying for his safety and your peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteI am there with you, sister. My husband is Army and has been gone for more than half of our kids' lives. He's done Bosnia, Korea, Afghanistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Iraq (I don't have a typing stutter - he's done two each of those last two) and left January 3rd for an insane combination of schools and Korea that means he'll be gone for another year and a half. And yes, it sucks and it's hard. I was recently talking with a fellow military wife about that subject. We are all strong, we make it work, we fight the good fight - but it's not easy. People will say, "You knew what you were signing up for." That's completely true - and we do what we have to...but that doesn't mean that it's easy or that others should take for granted the sacrifices that military spouses make. I am also incredibly fortunate to have a husband who is an incredible father and spouse. We often joke that he needs to be a jerk so we don't miss him so damn much! I wish you and Punky the very best during your year of separation. Thank you to you and your husband for the sacrifices you make.
ReplyDeleteRight back atcha Christal! Thank you and your husband as well! It always helps having support from people to can really understand or at least empathize. The one thing that sets my steam rising is when some person, out of ignorance, lack of empathy, or lack of concern, says things like "At least it's only a year." or "At least he's going to such and such which is safer." or "Well, it's a volunteer service, so you all made the choice."
DeleteI always want to smack that person and say something very inappropriate! I totally agree with you - we did make the choice, we do deal with it.....but that doesn't mean it's always easy or that we shouldn't talk about it or even bitch about it when we need to!!
~Mari B.
We are an air force family as well, hubby is about to hit his 23rd year and is being sent to Korea for a year this summer. He has managed to avoid a remote until now. (not the exact same story, but its def got some similarities!LOL) My son will turn 12 a month before his daddy leaves.My hubby is leaving his lil boy and coming home to a teenager-bizarre! I can't process it, I KNOW there are things I should be doing to prepare but I just can't seem to get them done(we will be moving when he leaves, so it adds a bit of extra "excitement" to the whole thing sighh)
ReplyDeleteI hope this doesn't offend you- but I will pray for your family during this time, just as hard as I am praying for my own. :)
Out story outlines are so similar, Angela!! I send positive thoughts out for you and your family that everyone stays safe, healthy, and sane until you are united again! I'm not offended in the least for you to pray for the same for my family. Thank you!
Delete~Mari B.
It's such an emotional time, isn't it? We are a Marine Corps family and have faced our share of deployments, but thankfully we've enjoyed over 5 years deployment free. This summer my husband will start a new job that will mean deploying on board a ship for 4 months at a time. (four months away, four months at home, etc.) I constantly alternate between feeling "lucky" (It's ONLY four months) and feeling very sad. It's painful to think about how much my two children will miss their Dad. My daughter barely remembers his past deployments and my little boy is used to him being away during the week (we live in Japan and he works in Korea) but coming home for weekends and holidays. But he is his Daddy's boy to the core. He cries himself to sleep any time my husband is not home. On an intellectual level I know that the next 2 years will be "easy" compared to the past. My husband will be in a "safe" place also; not like the 5 years of off and on deployments to places where people were actively trying to kill him. I keep my sadness to myself because, as all us military wives know, our husbands need to know we are going to be OKAY. And we will be. But we still ache inside for our kids and ourselves and our husbands.
ReplyDelete