To Be or Not To Be....

It’s been a while, a long while, since I blogged…over three months.  There was no one reason why, but many.  First was the funk I was in from my husband leaving for a year remote assignment.  Next was a public smack down I received via the internet from someone I thought was a friend.  Then there was the usual end of school year business and Punky’s performance schedule for ‘The Music Man’, then acting camp and then another show ‘Honk, the Musical’ as well as her tap dance recital. 

In the midst of all that my sister in-law passed away suddenly and unexpectedly.  We were simply stunned.  Hubby was sent home by the Red Cross for two weeks and that consumed us.  The day he left to return our 2 year old niece drowned in the family swimming pool.  We buried the oldest child and youngest grandchild in a two week period.  I’ll just sum it all up by saying it was an emotionally rough month.

Now, I’m back…..because I’m doing better.  Not great, yet, but better.  I worry that I’ve changed somehow, intrinsically, that I no longer have what I did that made me funny or inappropriate.  My friends have noticed the difference.  I’m hoping that I get back to being ‘me’, the ‘me’ that I recognize but I think I have changed in a significant way.  I don’t feel myself and I’m trying to find my footing.  The immersion of who I was with how I’ve changed is a difficult process, I find.  I’ll admit it, there are days, more than I’d like to admit to, where I don’t deal with it all I just hide.  I hide inside my house, staying off the internet a lot, and I immerse myself in distracting activities like reading and getting caught up on my Netflix watching as well as spending time with Punky.

I know that I can’t do that forever, and I am getting back into the game…..however slowly.  Two weeks ago I started a 5K training program.  For me, this is huge.  I haven’t purposely participated in a physical exercise routine in 15 or more years.  It’s going well and I do believe it’s helping on several levels.  I’m putting together 6^th grade for Punky, who flat out told me, after more than 3 months of unschooling, she doesn’t like unschooling.  She wants to have lessons and assignments.  I’m working on finding a balance between unstructured free time integrated with lessons and assignments.  It’s coming along and I’ll blog about that soon.

Until then, for those that stuck with me, while I was away, thank you.  Thank you for your comments of support on the IH page.  Thanks to the newbies for dropping in to my blog and reading past posts.  I hope that the strange twists and turns I’m navigating won’t bore you too much.  But for me, putting it into written words finally became necessary so that I could have written evidence of this new evolution of my being.

Until next time…..

Mari B.