Trusting Your Child's Development
We are officially 9 weeks into our homeschooling year. We would be 10 weeks in if sickness hadn’t
struck at week 4, but that’s how life works and thankfully as a homeschooling
family we can allow ourselves to bend and flow with life. Our first week of homeschooling was little
more than some review, moving forward in Math, as we did lessons all through
the summer, and an introduction to our new structure of homeschooling. The second week the ‘real’ schooling began.
As you may recall, we explored the world of
unschooling for several months. I guess
the easiest way to sum that experiment up is to say that *I* learned a lot and
Punky hated it. Sigh. Another approach to schooling that failed for
us. But as I said, I learned a lot. I learned about letting go and going with the
flow. That has already proven to be a very
valuable lesson for our current school year.
Punky *asked* for structure, routine, curriculum, and as she put it,
“schooling that will make me feel like I actually learned something.” Tough order to fill is all I could think at
first. We had already tried so, so many
curriculums and approaches that I didn’t know where to turn, what to do, or how
to proceed. Then, I had a thought….you
know, the kind that come to you late at night just as you’re drifting off to
dreamland. What if I gave her everything
she asked for, everything she said she wanted, and the only difference between
how we’d do that now opposed to how we did it in the beginning would be
me.
My fears of schooling her myself are
now just occasional doubts that are merely annoying compared to what they were
4 years ago…or even 4 months ago. I knew
better now. No, wait…that’s not it. I have faith now where once there was
none. I now believe that through growth
alone, maturation, Punky will learn and understand all that she needs to become
the most authentic Punky she is meant to be.
She’ll just learn it in her own time frame and way, just as her body grows and develops in its own time frame and way.
Armed with this new
faith, I set a course of study for 6th grade. I explained to Punky that Middle school is
where she would need to start preparing for her High School studies. So, I prepared a course of study for 6th
grade with emphasis on Reading, Writing (to include grammar, vocabulary, and
spelling), and Math. Science, Social
Studies/History, and Art are tools used in the reading and writing portion of
our curriculum. Punky attends
music/voice class and dance classes during the week. She is also a member of the Homeschool
Writing group at the local library, the Homeschool Harry Potter Club, the
Homeschool History/Civics Club, and the Homeschool Book Club. Between all those activities and her audition/show
schedule for the year we will continue to stay plenty busy!
I constructed a schedule that I thought would offer flexibility as well
as accountability while promoting independence.
Sounds great, right?!? I’m happy
to say that it has been great! Punky has
accomplished more in the last 9 weeks than she did in the last semester of last
year. That means that my process is the
right one, this time, right? It means
that I finally found the materials, structure, and approach that is right for
Punky, right? Well……sorta. We still hit the wall here and there. The difference between before and now comes
down to a few new ‘abilities’ I finally developed:
- Chill out and go with the flow of life.
- Be my child's partner in homeschooling.
- Boredom with a topic could be a sign of non-readiness. Dump it, for now.
- Not everything has to be studied in depth. Surface knowledge is enough at times.
- Give my child her independence when she wants it, but hold her hand when she needs it.
Which leads me to my BIG revelation and the most awesome advantage of
homeschooling!
Over the course of time something amazing happens. If our children are treated with respect and
given the chance to succeed and fail they mature and become capable to take on
more, understand more, learn more, and become independent. It happens.
It really does. Just as they
learned to walk without us teaching them, they mature. How well they could walk while they were
learning had nothing to do with us and everything to do with their DNA. However, how they FELT about learning to walk
had SO much to do with us. Were we
encouraging and supportive? Did we back
off when they clearly wanted to try on their own? Did we offer assistance, a hand to hold, when
they needed it? Did we keep our cool,
never being hard on them to do more or go faster? Did we let them do it in their own time and
their own way? I know that hubby and I did.
Punky couldn’t wait to walk and she was on her own by 7 ½ months. I didn’t want that; a 7 ½ month old
toddler. It was in her genes though and
it was her destiny to walk early. We
were encouraging and supportive, backing off when she wanted us to, holding her
hand when she needed it. We didn’t push
her or discourage her. We let her do it
in her own time and her own way.
I have noticed a change in Punky this year. Some of that change is a result of the semi-icky
side effects of being a ‘tween’. Some of it though, is a result of her maturing
into the next level of maturity. She’s
able to understand so much more, do so much more, think more clearly, process
things that she couldn’t less than a year ago.
Academic struggles from last year have started to fade in some areas and
disappear altogether in other areas. Of
course she has new struggles now; personal ones and academic ones. The only difference between the old struggles
and the new ones is my attitude. Now I
tell her with complete conviction, “It’s ok.
It’s going to be ok. You’ll get
through this. You’ll learn this. You’ll understand this. You will succeed and look back on when you
struggled and wonder why you thought it was so hard.” I tell her this because I now know, that deep
in my gut knowing, she will learn, she will master, she will succeed. She’ll just do it in her time frame and her
own way.
It’s almost like magic, children learning to walk and talk. It happens despite what we do. The only affect we have on the process is
whether or not our child is provided opportunities, encouragement, support, and
when they want it - independence to become who they are meant to be. Homeschooling your child should be the same
thing. We offer support, ideas, a road
map, and our help when it’s needed. We
stand in the background when they tell us “I do myself.” They learn equally from when we participate
and when we back off. This, I think, is
what it means to give them roots to grow and wings to fly.
Homeschooling your child means they can go at their own pace. They aren’t institutionalized or standardized
by teachers, tests, and tyrants. The
maturation process is safe for your child when you homeschool; safe from being
rushed, abused, mocked, trivialized, or stymied by the system, its executors,
or other children who are just as unsure of themselves as they can possibly
be.
Trust your child and the magical
process of their maturation because as long as they have encouragement, positive
reinforcement, guidance, and support they will bloom in all the areas they are
meant to when and how they are meant to.
Take a deep breath and trust your child, trust that it will all be
ok. Trust that you are a good parent
doing the very best you can for your children.
Trust that your child will succeed through your love, care,
encouragement, and support. Trust that
your child will bloom in all the ways she is meant to and relish the fact that
because you homeschool she can take whatever time is needed to become her most
authentic self.
Happy Homeschooling!
~Mari B.
