2018 - Taking the Bull by the Horns

 Every year I write a post discussing my selected “theme” for the coming New Year.  Every year I go back and read the previous years’ “theme” posts and reflect on them.  In looking back today, I realized I never did post a theme for 2017.  I think I wrote one but it was on my laptop that died and in the process of getting my new computer, the post was never retrieved and posted.  Somehow that’s fitting because 2017 was what can best be described as a “shit-show” of a year for me and mine.  No matter what theme I might have had in mind, it would have been blown to hell by a myriad of set-backs, hard times, illnesses, losses, and more.  I’ve spent the better part of 2017 as a care-giver in one capacity or another to my parents and my husband and all their health issues and crises, to a few friends, as well as being a mom to Punky.  We have dealt with a ton of health issues, a disability, a job loss, huge financial burdens, a stalker, and impending death this year and there’s no real end in sight right now.  To be honest I was seriously thinking about not doing a theme for the coming year either as very little of the aforementioned “shit-show” has resolved itself and the world at large seems like a very gloomy, destined-to-implode place right now.  Then a friend quoted Captain Picard to me: “It is possible to do everything right and still lose”.  I sunk down into that quote for a couple of days, bemoaning in the truth of it actually.  And then I came upon this quote by Robert Brault:

"Everything we possess that is not necessary for life or happiness becomes a burden, and scarcely a day passes that we do not add to it." 

I’ve sat with that quote for several days now.  There are quite a few things in my life that are in fact burdens right now and even as I write this I realize that there are those in the world with far greater burdens than I.  Yet, my burdens are, for me, burdens and they are not lessened, in fact, by the existence of other people’s burdens.  They are a part of my journey, my load to carry.  Yet, I did begin to realize that some of the burdens I carry are in fact ones I could put down because they were not necessary for life or happiness and I certainly have no desire to continue to add to it each day.

And with this quote I realized what I needed to focus on for 2018.  Eliminating all the things in my life, that I actually can, that are not necessary for life or happiness and setting small goals for beginning or completing things that are going to bring me happiness.  There is so much that is beyond our control – who lives, who dies, who gets sick, who gets well, losing a job, paying taxes - that I realized for my own sanity and well-being I need to eliminate all burdens that I can and focus on what I can control, the little things that are necessary to me for life and happiness.

So, for 2018, I will eliminate or reject anything that I actually can if it does not bring happiness for me and mine or is not necessary for life.  I’m starting in what feels like the logical place to begin: getting rid of a house-full of “stuff”.  We, like so many, have too much shit.  I have held onto 16 years of stuff from Punky – clothes, games, toys, stuffed animals, school work, art projects, etc.  I’ve held onto 30 years of stuff from my marriage/relationship with my husband.  We’ve held onto 24 years of “stuff” in making a home and now that home just feels like a burden for all the stuff in it that is not needed or making us happy any longer.  So, I am declaring January 2018  “THE PURGE”.  We are going to gut our home of all the stuff in the closets, attic, the SCHOOL ROOM, and storage that is not necessary and trust me, it’s going to be a LOT. 

While the purge is underway, I’m going to be making a list of the commitments I’ve been asked to make and offers I’m considering to decide which of these will or won’t bring happiness or are not necessary for life that I can eliminate or turn down.  And in turn I’m going to be making a list of accomplishments I want to have in 2018 and break those down into manageable goals to make them happen.  The BIGGEST accomplishments I am pursuing, outside of successfully homeschooling my high schooler, is to complete the secular curriculum I am writing.  My goal is to have it complete by spring and hopefully available soon after that! 

Also underway, I’ve joined a book club that will be reading a book a month that focuses on effective, no fluff or bullshit advice, for better living.  The first book is “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck” and I can’t wait to discuss it with my book club!  (What, did you expect something less inappropriate?)  Then there’s the cooking club I’m joining.  Each month we gather together to help each other learn how to cook an entire meal from a different culture/country.  Our first month is going to be a traditional English dinner; I’ve always wanted to learn how to make Beef Wellington!  We would really love to travel more, but the circumstances of our life circumstances don’t permit that at this time, so I’m going to try to figure out a way to incorporate some of the perks/benefits of traveling into our life even though we can’t actually travel.  Hopefully I’ll figure something out – suggestions welcome! 

Another goal is to blog more.  I really enjoyed it when I was writing more frequently and while I’m not entirely sure why I stopped, I do think it had something to do with having more followers.  It’s convoluted thinking for sure, but when no one (or so you think) is listening/reading it’s easier to be yourself and fill the pages with your thoughts because what do you have to lose?  Once you gain a following, even a relatively small one, suddenly it feels like you have something to lose and therefore you pull back, or at least that‘s what I think I did; more people were paying attention and it made exposing myself feel a bit unsafe.  Of course, any following a person gains is a direct result of first being who they are and sharing what they share so it’s an odd state to find myself in, but I’m determined to get past that and get back to writing because it does in fact bring me happiness and if my posts can encourage or support even just one other person then that is all the more awesome! 

And that’s it, for now at least.  My 2018 theme begins now: To live a life filled with only that which is necessary for living and/or happiness.

I wish each of you a very happy and healthy New Year filled with laughter, joy, and at least a little inappropriateness!

~Mari B.