If I could go back
thirteen years, to when I was pregnant with Punky, I would tell myself these
things.
1. The less you strive to get her to submit to you, the more influence you will have in her life.
2. The less you talk, the more she will listen.
3. For every criticism she needs to hear at least 10 praises.
4. Most of the fights you will have will be because of your baggage, not her misbehavior.
5. When she's little and you don't manage her environment and she melts down, that's on you.
6. In terms of learning, trust that she will learn what she needs to learn when she needs to learn it; you can't force a child to absorb knowledge.
7. Put away the curriculum. Really.
8. Trust that she will show you what she needs, it's your job to pay attention.
9. Spend more time playing with her.
10. Go on more walks.
11. Spend time with her while you cook and clean. She will want your time.
12. Give more of yourself to that which really matters.
13. Slow down and be less busy.
14. Criticize less. She will absorb every word of it.
15. Remember it will be better to be silent than speak in anger or impatience.
16. Her relationship with you is what keeps her safe. Don't mess it up by demanding she bends to your will.
16. She will learn what she lives.
17. Respect that she is a person, unto herself, and she deserves respect.
I wonder if I would have been too bull-headed to listen.
~Mari B.
I think I heard something early on in my early education classes that stuck with me. It was a suggestion that we should treat our children with the same kind of respect we regularly give adults. Yet, often we treat children in ways we would never treat most adults. If we would be unlikely to treat an adult the way we treat our children, we probably should not treat our children that way. If it would be disrespectful, unwelcome, or inappropriate for an adult, or if we would be upset if another adult treated us in that way than it would also be disrespectful, unwelcome, or inappropriate for a child, and they would also be upset to be treated in that way. I try to think of how I might respond if a person treated me that way, and limit those actions I would see as disrespectful, over the line, or inappropriate. Of course there is consideration to what may be developmentally appropriate, or necessary for guidance and discipline, but that can still be done with the respect every person deserves. Thank you for pointing out the need to treat our children with respect. Venus Brown
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