Free to Be Me and You

The recent events on this September 11^th have been a hot topic of conversation at our home.  My husband, myself, and even Punky have engaged in thoughtful discussion over the murder of the Libyan Ambassador and Consulate workers, as well as the attack, in general, on the American Consulate.  Many questions and thoughts have been brought up.  “Why were they not being guarded by Marines?” was one of our first questions.  Punky’s first question was ‘Why did those men do such an evil thing?” - a harder question to answer, especially when it is a 10 year old asking.  We don’t shield her from all the evils of the world – we want her to understand that ‘extremism’ is dangerous and when it leads to harming others it is totally unacceptable.  Yet, we don’t want her lying awake in her bed worried over the evils of men – and she would.  Our answer began with a discussion of the word conservative and then on to ‘ultra-conservative’.  Mix in with that religious ideology, dogma if you will, and we did our best to explain it to her.

   

This really got me thinking, though, of the rights we have as U.S. citizens.  From there I pondered my personal experiences since moving to the Deep South.  My thoughts have a tendency to ramble and digress, much as they do in my writing.  “We are endowed by our Creator with certain inalienable rights.” 

Powerful stuff right there.  Powerful.  Of course, among these are the rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.  How often do we meditate on the meaning of those words from the US Declaration of Independence?  If you aren’t a citizen of the United States of America, I can understand why you don’t spend any time mulling over the meaning of it (although maybe you might- it really should be a universal sentiment, in my opinion). 

I am a Northerner by birth and a Southerner by misplacement!  I joke.  I’ve enjoyed many aspects of living in the South (especially warm, sunny Florida – which isn’t really ‘southern’, just geographically south).  For the last 18 years though, I’ve moved three times and each time puts me farther and further into the ‘deep’ South.  It’s not always a comfortable fit – for me or the Southerners!  It took moving farther and farther into the ‘deep South’ to discover that I am a liberal.  This idea still makes me chuckle.  I had lived my entire life as a conservative!  Granted, not many of my ideas or beliefs (or any, really) placed me in the ‘hard-core Conservative’ camp, but more or less, if I must be labeled (and we all must, I’m told) I was comfortable with ‘Moderate Conservative’.  This isn’t necessarily a political label in my way of thinking.  It’s just a ‘tell’, if you will, of where I landed on most issues, regardless of the nature of the issue.  My husband and I, in our personal lives, are fiscally conservative.  Ergo, I am fiscally conservative in my other views as well. 

Having resided in the Deep South for the last 10 years, I became more and more consciously aware of my liberalism.  True liberals might scoff at this, but that just lends further proof to how ‘perception’ works.  Where I live, folks seem to concur with the idea that our Founding Fathers believed that conservative, Christianity should be the way of the entire country.  The Bill of Rights grants all those lovely freedoms, but in the Deep South, those freedoms are really just speaking out on behalf of the down-trodden, persecuted fundamental Christian.  All other beliefs or ideas need not apply; hence my difficulties living here in the Deep South.  Be I Christian or not, I don’t align myself with many, if any, of the conservative, fundamental Christian’s doctrine. 

My views on organized religion aren’t the only ones that earn me a liberal label.  My social/political views earn me that label  here as well.  I support equal rights.  I believe that means the same rights for everyone – regardless of race, creed, color, religion, or sexual orientation.  I believe every American should be entitled to basic healthcare regardless of income – I just haven’t figured out how to pay for it and I don’t believe that the current reform will work for the betterment of the people.  I earned my B.A. degree in Criminal Justice and worked in various capacities in the C.J. system for a number of years.  I earned my Master’s in Public Administration and got a couple of years of work in that field before becoming a mother.  My life experience, more than anything, formed my views.  I am of the opinion that folks need to get out from where they are and live outside their own comfort zones for a while in order to gain greater perspectives.  But, I’m digressing.

So, it has only been in the last 10 or so years that I’ve learned that I am a liberal, until I’m spending time with my liberal friends and then I’m a moderate.   Har!  I chuckle.  And that’s allowed.  It falls under my right to pursue happiness. I still reserve my right to believe what I believe and take whatever stance I take on any issue, be it labeled a liberal or conservative one.  In the end, the words of the Declaration of Independence are true and I have been endowed by my Creator with the inalienable rights to my life, my liberty, and my pursuit of happiness.  I am free to be me and you are free to be you. 

While the Declaration of Independence gave me the rights of life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness, it did not grant me the right of acceptance.  There is no document that can grant anyone that right.  It’s too bad that there isn’t, for if there were then perhaps I would fit in better in the Deep South and perhaps, maybe, just maybe, those ‘ultra-conservatives’  in Libya would have shrugged off the words spoken against their Holy Man, that they found so offensive, and left the American consulate alone.

~Mari B.

Walking and Chewing Bubble Gum

There are days where it’s all I can do to get Punky to understand how to walk and chew bubble gum at the same time.  If I’m honest, and I try to be, those are the more common days for us.  She is a 5^th grader – by governmental standards.  She will be 11 in a month.  She is a bit of a late bloomer in some areas and yet her intuitive knowledge scares me.  She has little to no desire or patience in participating in or learning about those things for which she has no interest.  Punky is a good kid.  I’m blessed.  She has a sweet, kind heart along with a fierce sense of right and wrong.  Her dad and I love that and foster that daily.  She does not have that one subject or topic that she loves or with which she is obsessed.  She’s not a voracious reader (which I have to say as a voracious reader, it kills me that she’s not).  She loves movies, television, and performing.  That’s it.  She is on a swim team because her father and I believe that it is good for her to have a physical activity to participate in weekly.  She’s actually a ‘natural’ athlete.  She gets that from her dad – totally.  I can dance – as in, keep the beat and rhythm in such a way as to not embarrass myself on the dance floor.  I have ethnic friends who tell me I’m ‘not bad for a white girl.’  I take that compliment and move forward.  Hmmm, I’m digressing (I do that).  Despite her natural athleticism, she doesn’t have all that much interest in sports.  Sigh.

So, getting Punky to ‘do’ academics is a bit of a challenge in our house, okay a large challenge, on some (most) days.  Many days it seems that walking and chewing gum at the same time is too much of a challenge.  I have a fairly loose mindset about academic education.  I believe in it – I just don’t think it’s required all that much until around age twelve or so. 

Just in case that horrifies you and you are racing to the end of this post to leave me a scathing comment about how important academics are no matter the age of the child, let me be clear.  I believe that children need to learn to read and read well – but at whatever age they show the desire and gumption to do so.  Along the way they are learning their letters and numbers, in the same way they learn the colors and whatnot, because they are curious.  They ask questions.  A parent would have to ignore a child for a child to NOT be learning.  Then I believe children should also learn to write, both the physicality of writing and the prose of it.  They will get better with time – all the grammar and nuisances – but free flowing creativity is what should drive them as they set out on that particular journey.  Math.  The dreaded “M” word.  Yes, children need it.  They’ll learn it in the timeframe that works for their brain.  We have no control over when the light bulb goes on in a child’s mind and all we can do is facilitate different ways to introduce concepts to a child until the light goes on.  It will happen.  I also don’t believe that every child needs to be able to perform advanced math.  I think that’s one of the great myths we perpetuate in society and especially in the homeschooling community.  All children MUST finish Calculus by the end of the high school career!  Sheesh.  I didn’t.  I didn’t even come close.  I limped my way through the required math in college as well.  It didn’t hurt my career prospects one bit, because I wasn’t trying to be an engineer, doctor, Math Professor, or any other profession that required higher math.  I had no interest.  I survived.  I graduated high school.  I even graduated college.  I became gainfully employed.  A child loving math, or being a natural at it, will determine more than anything else, whether they will enter a math driven profession.  So I say, just breathe and enjoy letting them learn about the world in their way, at their pace, at least until they are capable of higher functioning processing and abstract, complex thought.

Having this mindset then allows me to play fast and loose with what we MUST accomplish during the course of a day, week, month or school year.  However, I do want things to be accomplished; things that are beyond just what she is interested in learning.  This is the challenge and we face it almost daily.  One thing or another gets in our way, so to speak.  Real life stumbles and stirs and detracts us some days.  A lousy attitude toward academic pursuits (hers or mine) gets in the way some days.  Opportunities arrive that are WAY cooler and more interesting and we get (allow ourselves to be) distracted with those.

I’m still working on not letting it bother me that we don't look like any other homeschool family I know or read about.  I strive against letting the doubts creep in because my child doesn’t perform at the same level in the same category as other children her age.  

What really helps though, if I’m honest, is when I see one of those kids trip while walking and chewing bubble gum.

~Mari B.

Another Homeschooler's Blog?

Why I'm Jumping Into the Fray.....

  I have been a homeschooling parent for a total of three years now.  I homeschool my soon-to-be 11 year old daughter who we fondly call Punky.  She is in the 5th grade.  Our reasons for homeschooling are similar to many families, yet, as with all families, varied and personal.  Our journey over the last three years has been mostly filled with 'misses', yet we move forward because we still believe it is the right choice for us.  Over the course of these three years, I have scoured through books and the internet looking for help, answers, resources, and anything else that even pertained to homeschooling.  I found A LOT.  Too much really.  So much in fact, that I was reminded of a story the AVC teacher relayed to my class in my Senior year of high school.  And yes, I am old enough that they were still teaching Americanism vs. Communism when I was in high school.  It was the story of a Russian woman who had immigrated (fled) to the U.S.A.  She was standing in the grocery store trying to choose a toothpaste and after looking upon all the options, she broke down in tears.  She said that in her country there were only two choices and having so many choices was just too overwhelming.  I was a bit like that Russian woman.

I know that it is AWESOME how far homeschooling has come (thanks to all the pioneers)! There are now more options than there are days in a homeschooling year for how to homeschool, what resources to use, and other opportunities for our children to partake.  That doesn't make it any less overwhelming though.  Adding to my 'dilemma' was the fact that I just don't 'fit' into a slot.  I didn't want to do school at home, but unschooling seemed too scary.  I didn't want to use boxed curriculum, but I needed guidance and didn't want to have to write my own curriculum.  We are not an 'organized religion' type of family (a sore point to some - as I reside in the Deep South) and I want secular materials.  I wanted to be 'relaxed' but my anal retentive side wouldn't allow for that to happen with any real comfort.  Furthermore, I'm not 'that' mom.  I don't bake.  Heck, I hardly enjoy cooking.  I don't sew, quilt, knit, needlepoint, or anything of the kind.  I suck at crafts.  I am not 'arty'.  I don't live on a farm or in the woods, nor am I raising my own chickens or any other livestock for that matter.  I'm not technologically savvy (it's a miracle I was able to figure out how to start this blog) and I don't love science.  I could go on, and I probably will in future blogs, but I think you get the idea.

All the resources I found, all the creative ideas I gleaned from some awesome homeschooling mom's websites, all the inspiring stories - yeah, well....none of it was me.  It didn't work FOR ME and I've learned that what doesn't work for me, isn't good for my daughter and our homeschooling experience because I'm too freaked out and stressed trying to do things that do not come naturally to me, to enjoy the journey and then she is miserable too.

It was in the last six months that I began to seriously question what 'type' of homeschooler I am.  The only most accurate answer I kept coming back to was 'inappropriate'.  I couldn't check mark any box.  Not entirely.  I seemed 'inappropriate'.  Add to that my very adult, inappropriate sense of humor, view points, and opinionated commentary on life and there I was back to 'inappropriate'.  Where were the homeschooling moms like me?  Why couldn't I find reflections of our homeschooling days on blogs?  I don't have an exceptionally intelligent daughter.  She's no Sheldon Cooper, that's for sure.  Yet, she has no disabilities either (well  not ones that can be labeled on a government form) so she doesn't put us in that box.  She does well at some subjects, and struggles with others (MATH).  She has strengths and weaknesses, but she's not Harvard bound at almost 11.  She's not milking cows, feeding chickens, and learning science on the farm (though she'd love to try).  She's not baking or cooking to learn math.  She's not learning to write Code to make her own computer game nor is she inventing a new life-saving medical device.  She doesn't have an idea for her own business yet and she only has a passion for one thing, really - acting.  (Which we pursue trust me, least you think I'm not providing her with any activities or creative outlets).  Those children's achievements and activities are terrific and a part of me envies those moms for what they provide for their children.  But it's not us.  It's not me and it's not Punky either.  She would rather sit around watching 'Dick Van Dyke' reruns, musicals, and 'Doctor Who' all day than do anything else - other than attending acting classes or rehearsals for the community theater she does.

Since I couldn't really find 'me' in the homeschool blogs, I decided to join the bloggers and ramble on about our journey here.  First, so that there would a diary, of sorts, for us to look back on one day or our journey, second, so I have a creative outlet of my own, and third, in case anyone else out there is an 'inappropriate homeschooler' too.  I won't be posting resources I created myself (but I love those moms who are kind enough to do so), pictures of the cool projects we finished (ours usually turn out wrong somehow), or anything else that you'd more than likely find on all those fantastic homeschooling mom's blogs.  Nope.  All you'll find here, for the most part, are my occasional rants and my ramblings, which some say I do very well.  I'll ramble on about homeschooling, raising a daughter, being a military wife, and any other nonsense that strikes my fancy.  And if you join me, I hope you'll be entertained along the way.  The only thing I can guarantee is that in one form or fashion, I will be inappropriate.

~Mari B.